My Fucking Business

10:50 AM Him: Do you have anything to say?

10:51 AM me: huh?

about what?

Him: Haven't listened to my voicemail yet eh?

10:52 AM I want you to know that I am incredibly hurt.

 me: What?

  hold on

 Him: No dont

  Its mean.

  And I was and am angry.

 me: ouch

  why?

  what did i do?

  I'm a fucking piece of shit?

  What?

  very confused here

 Him: I'm sure you will send this in too.

  But fuck it

 me: Oh, lord.

  Really? You're mad about chat rats?

  It's entirely anon.

10:55 AM Him: Those were personal. Between me and you.

 me: That's the whole idea.

   That's what makes the damn thing worth reading.

   They are in NO WAY even associated with you.

   Why such a big deal?

 Him: they are my fucking words.

 me: Yes, and good ones even

Him: Is nothing sacred to you?

10:57 AM me: Sacred? Really?

  Not words. No.

  Feelings. Yes.

Him: I'm so hurt and mad I'm shaking

me: I'm so sorry.

 Him: Its all gone.

 me: It's all gone?

10:58 AM Him: My trust in you.

 me: sorry

  don't really understand. but i'm sorry

10:59 AM was actually going to ask

  not sure why i didn't

  didn't think you'd mind as long as there were no names

11:01 AM Him: No. I do mind.

    I'm destroyed that you put that out there.

    Only back in my life for more material…?

 me: Oh, please

   That's ridiculous

 Him: Is it?

 me: yes

 Him: Thinking about it last night. After you were in my bed...

11:03 AM me: and?

 Him: Just crushed.

 me: But.. why?

 Him: I've never been so hurt.

 me: But... why?

  WHY? WHY? WHY?

  Why is it such a betrayal? I don't understand.

  I really don't

11:04 AM Him: That's the name of the game isn't it. Said so in the headline

  Well I know how it feels now.

 me: Yes, and supposed to be fun.

  and funny. And real

  not cruel

11:05 AM Him: It isn't. At all.

 me: It's a good "random" chat and totally relatable

Him: My fucking business

 me: no

  not yours

 Him: Not the rest of the world.

 me: mine

  But who cares? No one knows.

  Seriously

 Him: I knew. And that's all that matters.

11:06 AM me: If we would have done it together would you care?

  Would you have said no fucking way?

  Or does it just feel like a betrayal because you didn't know?

11:07 AM You want me to have them take it down?

 Him: No leave it. The damage has been done.

11:09 AM I don't care about others. But shit between you and me. I would have said no.

 me: but why?

 Him: Its only for you.

    I want to be anon in this world.

   Maybe I toook it hard. But please understand

 me: Maybe not.

  I do. But it was not meant to harm.

  Didn't see it as a betrayal, per se.

 Him: That's what it did.

 me: Ugh. Sorry

11:12 AM ... but... it's good

 Him: My trust is so fragile.

 me: So... can I publish this now? :)

  KIDDING

  !!!!!

11:13 AM Him: Ugh.

 me: sorry

 Him: I just don't know anymore.

11:15 AM me: come on

  At least it's real.

  real

  real

11:18 AM Sorry

 Him: I feel a bit better.. but damn.

 me: :(

11:19 AM Really glad I didn't hear your message until you texted

  kiss to you

  right on your face

11:27 AM Him: Watch out for the egg.

    On my face.

 me: no egg on your face

  none

  none

  none

11:28 AM just kisses

  tell me I'm not a fucking piece of shit

  come on

 Him: Your not.

 me: :)

  I'm sorry

11:33 AM damn, always hurting on you

 Him: Seems that way.

  Ill tell you what..

 me: ?

 Him: Dodged a bullet.

11:34 AM me: ?

Party in My Pants

Her: my mum's alive!

 me: woooO!

  you should have a party.

12:18 PM Her: party in my pants right now

12:19 PM me: haha.......i wish.

12:20 PM anything fun happen on the bus?

 Her: I slept!

  free wifi!

12:21 PM masturbated

  

  no birfday party for mum

  she would rather just chill with us

  which means getting drunk on wine

 me: hah.......well thats cool. :)

  <3

 Her: yeah it will be fuuun

12:22 PM me: it better be! or i'm holding you responsible.

 Her: I am gonna pay for you to ride an orca

  for your bday

12:23 PM me: haha!

 Her: imagine you on the back of an orca with a little party hat

 me: that would be hot. i see XX found you.

 Her: yes she did

12:24 PM Her: she sent me a provate message that said she actually likes me better

 me: nah ah. no way.

 Her: she wants me to have her babies

 me: speaking of which, are you really thinking about selling your eggs?

12:25 PM Her: yes

  but, still in the thinking stage

  what do you think?

  do you want me to save them all for you ;)

 me: haha. yes, allllllllllll of them! *nom nom nom*

12:26 PM how many do they take?

 Her: I have no idea

  they are sending me the info packet

  I wonder how invasive it is

  that would be the deal breaker for me

12:27 PM me: yeah, i've heard it's kind of invasive, but i'm not really sure what that entails.

 Her: oh crap

  well... I am not sure I could do it

  getting stitches almost made me puke

12:29 PM me: hah......you're cute.

12:30 PM i think it's mostly the hormone injections that are invasive.

 Her: hormone injections???!

12:31 PM me: hah......yes. ps, i love that i know more about this than you and i have a penis.

12:32 PM Her: errrr....

  I will have to read the info... sounds scary

12:33 PM me: heh......yeah, it has risks.

 Her: oh crap

 me: which is why they pay a lot of $$. :)

 Her: oh I see

12:34 PM me: you could probably demand a lot because of your education level.

  and your hottness. :)

 Her: oh yes, the hotness ... i demand $12000 per egg

 me: you could probably get it.

12:35 PM Her: haha

 me: srsly, i was reading some story about this chick that negotiated $65k.

12:36 PM Her: Wha?? wow

  While using the drugs, you will have frequent medical tests. Removing the eggs from your ovaries involves a minor surgical procedure.

  surgery

  yuck

  I am such a wuss

 me: hah. yeahhhh, well it's your body.

12:37 PM Her: I'll read about it

  I think it's a nice thing to help someone have a baby

  but perhaps too much of a physical commitment

  plus, they may not accept me because of my anxiety

 me: welllll..........dont tell them! haah

12:38 PM Her: they do psychological tests

 me: pshhh.......you're top notch.

 Her: well... I am gonna tyr to donate plasma tomorrow

  I will start slow

12:39 PM 1. plasma

  2. eggs

  3. kidney

 me: then you can be a surrogate mother.

  i would totally sell my sperm if i could.

12:40 PM Her: why can't you???

  are they deficient? Fess up now, buddy?

12:41 PM me: hah.......no, they're not deficient... at least they werent a couple years ago. hah......but they want grad students and hot soccer players and shit, i think. they get about a billion applications.

12:42 PM Her: aww... but you are incredible. If they only knew.

  that's fine. I keep your sperm for myself

  :)

12:43 PM me: haha..mmmkay, that works for me. can i get $200 per deposit?

 Her: ha

  $100 per facial

12:44 PM $200 inside me

  $1000 if you inseminate me

12:45 PM me: haha.......$1000?? wooohooo. totally not jerking off until i see you next.

12:49 PM Her: $2000 if you do it this weekend

  then, I can sell the baby

  on craigslist

Squeeze Me

12:53 AM Her: do you not want to come tomorrow?

12:54 AM would it be too awkward?

 me: i dont know. i just dont want you to feel bad.

12:55 AM Her: I just wish I didn't have to figure out that you weren't really trying all by myself. I wish you would have told me.

 me: i was trying.

12:56 AM and i was putting things together

 Her: not really. you said you didn't want to talk to XX. and that you didn't feel you needed to really change

  what were you putting together?

12:57 AM me: i was putting things together in my mind... our relationship... how it would work/not work, etc.

12:58 AM Her: well I wish I would have know that. like that you needed time to think or whatever.

 me: i thought that's what we were both doing. that's what we talked about

12:59 AM Her: huh? you said you would talk to XX. and then after that you said tonight that you were trying not to think

 me: i know. i was trying not to. but i did from time to time.

1:00 AM Her: that still left me with nothing to go on

 me: yeah, i guess so. sorry.

1:02 AM Her: i just keep feeling so torn between wanting to be done and wanting to hug as tightly as possible and not let go. that feels so fucked.

1:03 AM me: yeah

  i know what u mean

 Her: I feel like I failed because I couldn't make you love me.

1:04 AM me: well you shouldn't feel that way

  you didn't fail

  i did love you. very much.

  and i still do, really

1:05 AM Her: you weren't willing to risk changing your relationship with XX.

  you weren't willing to put me first

1:06 AM me: i was at one point... but you didn't want me back... so after i stepped back it wasn't quite as clear anymore

1:07 AM Her: wtf? I did. I justed needed you to prove it first.

 me: well it didn't seem like you did to me.

1:08 AM Her: how? I was willing to try. You broke my heart. what did you want me to do?

1:09 AM me: i dont know

1:11 AM i cant get into this again right now. i'm sorry. i will call you in the morning. and i will come to your birthday if you want me there.

1:12 AM Her: Could you come over in the morning instead? Like for a 15 minute hug/breakfast/closure?

  you can take all or none of those

 me: ahh...........yeah, i could probably do that

1:13 AM Her: its ok if you can't.

 me: no, i think i can do that

1:14 AM Her: It would just be cool to talk in person before the party. you know?

 me: yeah

 Her: can I ask a time? and do you want breakfast?

 me: probably 10. sure, i'll have something if you are, but nothing special.

1:15 AM Her: ok. It'll be ready at 10. (unless something changes then call)

 me: ok

 Her: thanks

1:16 AM me: have a good nite

 Her: you too. good night.

13 minutes

1:29 AM Her: Hey

 me: yeah

1:30 AM Her: are you going to go to bed?

 me: yeah

 Her: will you close your eyes for a minute and sqeeze me?

 me: okay

1:31 AM there, did you feel it

1:34 AM Her: yes.

 me: good

I'm Glad You Can Multi-Task

2:37 PM Her: have you ever heard of some one getting really turned on from weed? Ya know, ecstacy does that sorta thing, but weed...I haven't heard that before...hehe

  it's a new experiment for me :D

2:38 PM can I send you a song?

2:39 PM me: When I was in college, stoned sex B-) was the normal way to do it. It is most definitely an aphrodisiac, or can be with the right person. <3 I'm experimenting with emoticons....

  And yes, by all means, send me a song or anything else.

2:40 PM I presume you're at work now?

 Her: yes I'm at work :)

2:41 PM I didn't know that about weed!! hehe I just smoke it and feel this strong sensation in my vagina...all over...it's hard to control myself when it happens

2:43 PM me: I guess I'll have to buy some pot....

 Her: I have my own ;)

    it's nicknamed Green Crack :D it's fuckin DANK! :D lol

  i'm such a gangster ;)

 me: Go gangsta grrrrl...

2:44 PM Her: I'm not helping with your concentration am I :(

  how can I help? do you want to discuss anything about work?

2:45 PM me: Actually, you are helping my concentration. I am now totally focused on your vagina.

2:04 PM Her: I like to masturbate to this song: [Baby Bash video link]

 

  :D

2:07 PM 

hey, if you need to get to work you can ;) just saying...

2:11 PM me: I've been doing emails w/XX and asst. phone calls as I've been chatting with you. But thanks.

2:12 PM "Work them hips. Run, girl. I wanna you drip sweat." That's what I'm going to say when I see you next when you're out jogging.

2:14 PM Her: lol

  do it! :D

  I'm glad you can multi task ;)

2:15 PM me: I just hope I don't screw up and ask XX about masturbating to Baby Bash. Although it wouldn't faze her a bit. She and I talk about everything anyway.

Kisses to You Always

1:33 AM Him: so how was the bar?

 me: fine

 Him: you could have stayed in with me insted

 me: I do that enough.

 Him: Cause sitting bars all the time is any better!

1:34 AM me: Nope, not that easy. Been there.

  One thing has nothing to do with the other. But if it pleases you so, then lash.

 Him: im not lashing at all

 me: Good. It doesn't sound like fun

1:35 AM Him: im telling you what my insecurities

  are

  and thats what I get is denyed

 me: i know that triggers more insecurity and I'm sorry.

1:36 AM I get it, but I also get that whoever I'm with needs to be secure in everything and understand who i am and that I am careful with what i have and, well,, you see

 Him: haha

  good luck with that

 me: I can give reassurance. I can

  Yeah, thanks

 Him: I would like to meet this person, cause he doesn't exist

 me: Fuck that.

1:37 AM Him: bars are for being social, meat markets

 me: Love is not a binding thing. It is about knowing that it's there and respecting and understanding that you are both protecting it at all costs.

  FUCK BARS

  IS THAT WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT?

 Him: protecting by taking more of a risk?

  pushing the limits

1:38 AM me: I'll not be chained to a wall!
Protecting by protecting. If you don';t get it, then fuck it.

 Him: I get it, but im a man, I know what happens

 me: It's so fucking simple really.

  Whatecr

  whatevr

  whatever

 Him: does it make you feel wanted knowing men are staring at you

  wanting you

 me: you know nothing

  nothing at all

 Him: fuck you

 me: fuck you

  do you realizer what you just said?

  DO you have ANY FUCKING IDEA?

1:39 AM Him: I know damn well, telling me I know nothing

  who the fuck are you./

 me: I don't go to fucking bars to be stared at. If that's what you think, then fuck you, too. But thanks for the kind words.

 Him: you dont even have the balls to talk to me honestly

 me: Fuck this. I don't want to fight.

1:40 AM Him: im not even fighting with you

 me: Enough

 Him: not even mad

 me: Yes, well I am. And it sucks.

 Him: im sorry

  that i didnt mean to do

 me: Enough. Enough. Enough.

  Going.

 Him: run then, run away

1:41 AM me: thanks. always kind.

 kisses to you always

...no response

12:35 PM Him: Just in case there's some need for you to know: I had the most intense orgasm of my life early this morning after waking up from a wonderful dream of erotic sex with you - with the ultimate visual of you vividly in my head - I brought myself to the most explosively satisfying orgasm that I can ever remember.

12:54 PM I just thought you may very well have wanted to know about this.

 Hope all is well with you and that you'll someday perhaps want or need a distraction which includes me as the man providing privately safe benefits to you at no charge.

Say It Slow. Voice Low.

6:39 PM Him: hi babes

  i brought my computer to work

 me: Anticipating another wild night in barista life.

6:40 PM Him: oh its almost done

  one more hour

  it was actually busy tonight

 me: What are you wearing.

  Say it slow.

  Voice low.

 Him: hahaha

black pants and pink shirt

6:41 PM i wore different pants in the morning but the zipper broke

  things you get when you try to have some fun an afternoon quickie

  hahah

6:42 PM me: It's actually not considered a quickie if you're alone.

 Him: haha

6:43 PM ok

  i am laughing

Ain't Got No Wang

5:22 PM Her: you ok?

  me: no

  you?

 Her: well  surviving

 me: that about sums it up

5:23 PM 

 Her: i mean... whacha gonna do?

5:24 PM if it makes you feel any better... some guy is rocking my world a little

  gets better maybe

 me: you know whats eating me up (one of things eating me up)...

 Her: Parasites? The chick under your desk? What?

 me: ok...rocking your world in a good way or bad way?

5:25 PM Her: in a good way, I mean. but tell me what you were gonna say

 me: A.D.D...

  it just feels like i'm making a big fucking mistake

5:31 PM Her: lol. You probably are. Wish I liked being single as much as I used to.

5:33 PM me: so, where would you suggest i put my energy?

5:34 PM Her: I guess into yourself. for a while at least. Into not needing anyone, even though that's all you'll want for a while.

5:35 PM me: not needing anyone...

  wish me luck

 Her: lol

 me: so i'm not alone with that i guess

  good to hear

 Her: Yeah, well, I need need need.

5:36 PM me: not like me hun

 Her: I suck at that whole alone thing now. Not interested. I know I can do it, but I DON'T WANT TO! It's more fun with someone else.

 me: LOL!

  tell me about it

 Her: On the other hand, people mostly suck!

 me: you don't suck

 Her: You'll have to ask my ex about that. :-)

5:37 PM me: well...in what sense

  ...

  ahem

 Her: Fucked up dynamics.

  I did not mean in a fun sense. ;)

5:38 PM me: LOL

 Her: Although –

 me: i know you didn't...just pulling your wang

 Her: I ain't got no wang, bro.

 me: LOL!

  your twang?

5:39 PM Her: But I'm told that my twang can get me a wang whenever I want one.

  So I'm told.

 me: i wish my wang got me a twang whenever i wanted to shit

  that right there is fucked up

 Her: When you want to shit?

  That IS fucked up!

5:40 PM :-)

  dirty

 me: nothing wrong with dirty

  hilarious though

 Her: Not on Tuesdays anyway.

 me: wha?!

5:41 PM Her: just being goofy

 me: gotcha

 Her: OK. gotta get back to work.

 me: same dame

 Her: Good luck, buck.

 me: thanks for the laughs and the smiles

 Her: any time

 me: good luck twanging

 Her: good luck banging

 me: YEAH!!!

5:42 PM have a TWANGARIFIC evening

 Her: I'll get mine!

  And so shall you, mister magoo.

 me: go get it girl!!!

 Her: Onward.

  Have a great day

5:43 PM me: onward!

 Her: Or at least a less sucky one.

 J: you too crazy shrew!

  lol

  chau

Who Needs Food When You Have Scotch?

4:27 PM Him: I found the cure to the common cold and everything else that ails you.

4:28 PM me: YES?

 Him: Scotch. I'm feeling pretty good now.

 me: I'm fresh out. Dammit!

  OK. Ill run right out and get some!

4:29 PM Happy almost birthday!!!

 Him Thank you. And happy belated birthday to you!

 me: :-)

 Him: I've been watching The Wire today thinking of you.

 me: Right on!

4:30 PM A shot every time someone gets shot. No, a shot for every crime!

4:31 PM Him: I'd be out of scotch in ten minutes.

 me: You best stock up then

4:32 PM Him: I made a special trip to the store today for a bottle, the second cheapest they had, spared almost every expense.

 me: Shoulda got Old Smugglers!

 Him: Is that a scotch?

4:33 PM me: Yes. The best of the worst, once might say.

  used to be $4/bottle, but they got wise and doubled it.

 Him: I'll look out for that next time. I almost bought Chivas, as a birthday present to me, but then I remembered I am broke.

 me: I almost did the same, but just bought beer. Lame

4:34 PM Whatever happened to people buying you bottles and bottles of booze for your birthday? Oh yeah, that never happened.

4:35 PM Him: I should have just spent the extra $15 dollars, I'll probably waste it on something stupid anyway, like gas.

 me: Exactly! Or like food!

  Or something

 Him: Who needs food when you have scotch?

 me: Who needs gas when you got scotch?

  (does scotch give you gas?)

4:36 PM Him: Good point.

4:38 PM I just remembered I preheated the oven for a pizza, I should put that in.

 me: oops

 Him: Get well. Maybe we can hang out this weekend or something.

 me: or maybe we can eat 15 sloth kidneys tomorrow

4:39 PM 

 Him: That is a possibility.

 me: cool

  enjoy your birthday!

 Him: Don't tell me what to do.